Today my practice feels like a to-do list item. As I start the timer I decide to make it about conjuring up enjoyment rather than going with the ever-present impulse for new as my mind is wont to do.
This is harder than it sounds, for it requires me to explore what is really enjoyable, not from some memory, but right now, on this January day, inside this particular mixture of mood, health and perception in which I find myself.
The song is slow to start and stays there for a while, a lot of minor intervals, sad sounds. Sad can be delicious, but it’s not quite that today. In moments I think maybe I can’t enjoy today. Maybe that’s just part of the deal.
I slow down even more to a simple beat, made with plosive lips and breath. It immediately sounds like my heart, so I pause to hold my wrist and pick up the actual tempo. From there I anchor in that pulse and play with rhythmic variations inside it, keeping it mostly simple, the pulse primary. This is what enjoyment feels like in this moment.